I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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