He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
