i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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