I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
