That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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