Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
