I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
