Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please, let me fuck your mom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize