you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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