This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
