Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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