I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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