i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
