I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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