I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
