I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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