"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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