I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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