She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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