Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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