my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize