I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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