The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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