Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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