you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
