Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
