you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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