I hope mine doesn't look like that
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
