We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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