Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
