I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
