she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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