Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
