Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
