Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
