i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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