Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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