Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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