Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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