Whod you bang
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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