I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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