imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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