That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize