Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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