her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
