Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.