After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize