I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Michael Bay diarrhea
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.