I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.