hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail