Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
