he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize