He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
