Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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